hello baby. || week 20

10:22 AM

lil raspberry,

i need to tell you something.  it is something that i want to start telling you now, so you don't ever forget it for the rest of your life.

you were not an accident.  or something that just "happened."  you have been a part of the Creators master plan since the beginning of time, and while i've only loved you for the past few months, He has loved you for all of eternity.  you are oh so very wanted, desired, prayed for, and loved.  and when i say "you" i want you to know that i'm talking about you, my first born son, specifically, not just that i "wanted" a baby to play with and you are what i got.  i want and am so excited about you son, my wiggly, fiesty child that God chose for us.  

but i also need to tell you something very sad.  you will be born into a world that is full of sin, and a nation that, more often than not, calls evil good and good evil.  and because of that sometimes people don't "want" the babies that God gives them.  i've cried multiple times this week as i read about a man who has spent his life ruthlessly ending countless little babies lives.  and as i've read these horrific tales, all i could do was hold my belly and tell you over and over how much i love you, how much i want you, and let my heart be broken for all the other mommies who believed the lie they'd been taught their entire lives, that their child was nothing more than a clump of cells, and since they were an unwanted nuisance, they were "removed."

at a recent doctors appointment my midwife asked me if i was interested in having tests run that can help check how "healthy" you are.  what she was really asking was if i wanted to try and find out if you were going to be born with any "birth defects" or major health problems.  as if finding out that you were missing a chromosome or might need more care than most children, would somehow change how much your daddy and i love and want you.  whatever your genetic make-up turns out to be, whatever your motor skills are as you grow, wether or not you have health problems that require extra care, we know and rejoice in the fact that you have been fearfully and wonderfully made by the Creator who only makes and gives good gifts.

Christ desires me, He wants me, He delights in me, He loves me in spite of my overwhelming imperfections and neediness.  and to learn to mirror that love Christ has for me, his broken and imperfect child, into your life as you grow will be an honor and a delight.

so on this halfway mark of pregnancy (yay! 20 weeks!) while so many christians are raging to those around them (and very rightfully so!) about the horrific deeds that have come to light recently surrounding abortion, i wanted to take a minute whisper to you my son how precious your life is to me, how honored i am to be the one God chose to mommy you.  and how i am glad for your life even when it means minor discomforts like nausea, sleepless nights, backaches, stretch marks, a million trips to the bathroom, exhaustion, and heartburn.

so very glad.


your favorite snacks these days: popsicles and cereal ;)

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  1. This is beautiful, Jessica! <3 And this precious little baby boy is going to be so blessed to be able to call you his Mom. <3

  2. Can I just copy and paste this to my blog? You just took all the words right out of my head!

  3. You are going to be the sweetest little mama ever.

  4. Teary eyed here. This is so precious Mrs.Sherrill...and something I'm sure your son will be so proud to look at in years to come! I am weeping with you for all the precious babies who don't get to be here on this earth with us-- but, I am rejoicing with you in your joy of this coming blessing in your life!
    Thank-you so much for sharing!
    Praise God for the halfway mark, yay! <3

  5. this. just beautiful. you are going to be the best mama to this little guy. :)

  6. ps. this post makes me think of this song. :)

  7. oh, jessica. you are beautiful. your little man is very very blessed to have you and josh for his mommy and daddy.

  8. This is beautiful, Jessica.

  9. ahh so precious. you're going to be such a wonderful mama jessica.

  10. Jessica I can't begin to say how beautiful your writing is. Every post is written with such love and I know that your sweet son will be loved so dearly. You and the boy will be awesome parents. :)

  11. this made me tear-up. we need more people to realize the precious & unique gift each child is -- a gift from God.