hello baby. || week 18/19

10:11 AM

lil' raspberry,

i read the other day that from the very moment of conception every tiny microscopic baby has all the DNA programmed into it that is needed for its future growth.  but the even crazier thing is that long before He breathed life into you, God knew if your eyes would be blue or brown, wether you'd be tall or short,  or if your hair will be curly or straight. He knew wether or not you'll laid back and smart like your daddy or bouncy and chatter-y like your mom, and He knew if you were a boy or a girl.  and He knew all of this because He was the one who designed every last detail of your tiny self.  it boggles my mind that so much information could be programmed into such tiny cells, and that from the very moment your life began you weren't "going to be" a boy or girl, you "were" a boy or girl.

over the past 4.5 months you've gone from smaller than a poppyseed, to a 9 inch, 9 oz. fist pumping, head bobbing, never-ending-bouncy baby.  and though we know so little about you, understand this: your daddy and i love you so much already.

and last week we got to see your tiny face for the first time.  it was crazy.  it was surreal.  it was the best day.

i spent the day before our appointment frantically working, cleaning, running errands, and doing everything i could to not only make the day pass by quickly, but make sure that i was ahead on everything that i needed to get ahead on so that the next day (baby meeting day!) i could do nothing but sit and stare at your tiny perfect face for hours on end if i wanted to.

i was nervous.  i was excited.  i couldn't decide what to wear.  i painted my nails.  even though you weren't going to be able to see me, it seemed important that I look nice the first time i met you.

our appointment wednesday was first thing in the morning,  so i went to bed early to try and get some sleep.  what a ridiculous idea.  i lay there wide awake running through baby names in my head, feeling you kick and thinking how crazy it would be if we found out we were having twins.  the next morning when my alarm went off your daddy asked what time it was.  "7:10" i answered.  he looked at me a little puzzled, "ummm, we don't need to be up for a while..." and then rolled back over to sleep some more.  i didn't care.  getting up way earlier than necessary was the plan, because it meant i wouldn't be rushed and i could enjoy every minute of this day.  i agonized over what to wear, and changed clothes several times before i was satisfied.  it was a kind of chilly wet morning but that didn't stop me from wearing one of my favorite summer-y maxi dresses because summer is my favorite and summer clothes are the cutest.  we had donuts for breakfast because donuts are for special days, like saturdays, and birthdays, and meeting your baby days.

on the way to the doctor your daddy and i discussed our gender predictions.  he guessed "baby" (not a real guess.) and i guessed "boy."  i had been saying it was a girl for a lot of the pregnancy but i really didn't have a strong feeling one way or the other and so decided to guess boy just because most everyone else was guessing girl and i like to be different ;)

after the nurse/technician called my name and we started to walk back to the room, the nervous anticipation i felt pounding in my chest could only ever be matched by my pounding heart last summer when i saw your daddy standing in the middle of the botanical gardens and thought to myself as i started walking towards him "oh my gosh he's going to propose."  those 45 second walks were similar in so many ways.  knowing what was about to happen but having a hard time believing that it was happening and that it was happening to ME.

those first few seconds of seeing you were incredible lil' ras.  you are so tiny and beautiful.  your head was perfectly round and your little fists waved wildly at us.  our technician called you "feisty" because of how much you were moving around, and asked if i'd had any caffeine this morning.  "no, this is pretty much how it always is" i told her.  i smiled proudly at this, because i love your little energetic bouncy self.  it was a first of many "proud mommy moments" i'm sure i'll have over the years, but it was a little surreal to be laying there discussing how energetic my child was for the first time ;)  she said that you were bigger than what my current due date said you should be, so we get to skip ahead a week in counting!  you played with your ear and didn't suck your thumb, (thank you! keep that up!) made faces at us, and kicked and rolled all around, making it very difficult for the technician to get clear shots of all of your tiny features.

i wasn't sure what my reaction would be when she told us.  i figured i would cry happy tears, because tears come easily these days. ;)  but when she finally said the words we'd been waiting to hear, my reaction was almost exactly like when your daddy asked me to marry him.  (i didn't cry then either, even though i definitely expected to bawl my eyes out.)  i just sucked in my breath and giggled like a little girl and then didn't breathe again for what felt like forever.

(for you to be able to hear the video correctly, especially the most important part, you'll probably have to have your sound turned all the way up!)

oh sweet baby boy.  i love you so much!  i honestly didn't hope for it to be one way or the other, but i've said for as long as i can remember that i'd like to have lots of boys, so hopefully you're the first of many!  i can't wait to watch your imagination expand as we read books about pirates, and tigers, play in the mud, climb trees, and make forts on your bed (and i'll always let you be the captain!).  if you end up being the kind of boy that finds it necessary to bring home every beetle, worm, and tiny cricket you find in the yard, i will work on not screaming when you present them to me proudly, though i can't promise i'll touch them ;)  or if you would rather just cautiously watch them from afar, i'd be ok with that too ;)  i promise not to get mad every time you come in with grass stains on your knees or mud smeared across your shirt, because i understand that little boys can't always be bothered with thinking about their clothes while exploring the great outdoors.  i can't wait to teach you how to be a gentle protecter of your younger siblings (should you have them) and to watch you learn to throw the baseball with your dad.

you and me are going to be buds, i just know it ;)

i love you my feisty ear holding bouncy boy!

p.s. your daddy thinks it's funny they used the word feisty to describe you, because he's always telling me i'm feisty.  sooo apparently it's a family trait ;)

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  1. oh my word SO EXCITED FOR YOU!!! :) Yay for boy! :)

  2. (I had a hunch your little ras was gonna be a boy :) oh my goodness. congratulations josh and jessica. I'm so excited for you and your feisty little man. :)

  3. Yay!! A little boy!!! I knew it! ;-D So excited for y'all!
    This was such a darling post and video Jessica! All these posts are going to be so special to your little man some day. They are all precious, so precious.:-)

  4. ohmyword yayayayayayayay so so so so exciting!!!!!

  5. Wull, congratulations, Jessica! I guess I was wrong with my guess that it'd be a girl, but who cares?! So exciting! You are going to be the bestest mommy.
    Now... names? hehe

  6. ah, yay! i've always thought families should start off with boys (i think that's because i'm an eldest girl myself, and i always wanted a big brother to protect me). so so thrilled for your little fam!

  7. ahhhhhh. so excited for you! i kind of thought it would be a boy. :) so excited for you both!! <3<3 my face literally hurts from smiling so much! you two are going to be the best parents. ;) SO happy for you!! eeek.

  8. Sooo happy for you Jess! I thought of you today as I picked up some clothes in Target and wondered if you were having a boy. :) Guess I was right!

    P.S. Your writing is so, so sweet. I wish I could write like this!

  9. Yay yay yay yay yay yay!!!!!! I'm so excited for y'all if you can't tell! I will keep you, the boy and lil' Raz in my prayers!!!


  10. Yaaay! :D I had a feeling you would have a boy too ;) So happy for you guys!

  11. What a happy day!! I smiled through the post and the video. So excited for you, you lovely little family!! =)

  12. Awwww...so sweet!!! I've enjoyed watching the video a couple times...such exciting days. I can't wait to meet my new little nephew!

  13. Oh yay!! I was so wrong. But, goodness, does it really matter? They're both wonderful blessings from the Lord, and I can't wait to see your beautiful little baby boy. :-)