family

hello baby. || week 22

7:57 AM

lil' raspberry,

this week I started reading through the book of jeremiah and in the very first chapter the Lord says to jeremiah: 
"Before I formed you in the womb I knew you;
Before you were born I sanctified you;
I ordained you a prophet to the nations."
as i read those verses that day and ever since then i've been praying those words would be true for you, that as He is forming you in my womb and before you are even born God would sanctify you for Himself, and ordain you for the work He has prepared for you to do in your lifetime.

i love you my first born son, and as john says in 3rd john 1:4 my greatest joy through all of my life will be to see and hear that you are walking in God's truth!

love,
mommy



family

hello baby. || week 21

8:44 AM

lil' raspberry,

i realize now that we know you're a boy "lil' raspberry" may be too girly of a nickname for you, but it's what i've been calling you for almost 5 months now so it's probably going to stick for a while.  your daddy and i have talked about names and we're fairly certain we've settled on two that we like, and it's been fun to be able to call you by that name over the past week or two.  

you are growing by leaps and bounds and i can see/feel changes in you almost daily.  there's no hiding you now (which i looooove!) and everywhere i go people are starting to want to pat my belly and talk to you.  your kicks are much stronger these days and they're no longer confined to right around my belly button, you've started exploring new places and the other day you started stretching your long legs out to kick the side of my belly.

after 6+ months of looking for a church to join your daddy and i have finally found one that we just love and we're so excited to get involved and become a part of the ministry there.  this last week we went to one of their home fellowship groups and there were a lot of other new mommies there as well!  one had just had a baby girl a few weeks ago, and 3 more are due within a few months of when you're due.  you're going to have lots of buds to play with ;)

my anticipation over meeting you face to face grows every day, and there are some days i feel that there's just no way i can wait another 4.5 months to kiss your soft little cheeks and hold you tight in my arms.  i love you so much!

love,
mommy  


your favorite snacks these days: popsicles (always), bagels, and chipotle.

20 weeks

hello baby. || week 20

10:22 AM

lil raspberry,

i need to tell you something.  it is something that i want to start telling you now, so you don't ever forget it for the rest of your life.

you were not an accident.  or something that just "happened."  you have been a part of the Creators master plan since the beginning of time, and while i've only loved you for the past few months, He has loved you for all of eternity.  you are oh so very wanted, desired, prayed for, and loved.  and when i say "you" i want you to know that i'm talking about you, my first born son, specifically, not just that i "wanted" a baby to play with and you are what i got.  i want and am so excited about you son, my wiggly, fiesty child that God chose for us.  

but i also need to tell you something very sad.  you will be born into a world that is full of sin, and a nation that, more often than not, calls evil good and good evil.  and because of that sometimes people don't "want" the babies that God gives them.  i've cried multiple times this week as i read about a man who has spent his life ruthlessly ending countless little babies lives.  and as i've read these horrific tales, all i could do was hold my belly and tell you over and over how much i love you, how much i want you, and let my heart be broken for all the other mommies who believed the lie they'd been taught their entire lives, that their child was nothing more than a clump of cells, and since they were an unwanted nuisance, they were "removed."

at a recent doctors appointment my midwife asked me if i was interested in having tests run that can help check how "healthy" you are.  what she was really asking was if i wanted to try and find out if you were going to be born with any "birth defects" or major health problems.  as if finding out that you were missing a chromosome or might need more care than most children, would somehow change how much your daddy and i love and want you.  whatever your genetic make-up turns out to be, whatever your motor skills are as you grow, wether or not you have health problems that require extra care, we know and rejoice in the fact that you have been fearfully and wonderfully made by the Creator who only makes and gives good gifts.

Christ desires me, He wants me, He delights in me, He loves me in spite of my overwhelming imperfections and neediness.  and to learn to mirror that love Christ has for me, his broken and imperfect child, into your life as you grow will be an honor and a delight.

so on this halfway mark of pregnancy (yay! 20 weeks!) while so many christians are raging to those around them (and very rightfully so!) about the horrific deeds that have come to light recently surrounding abortion, i wanted to take a minute whisper to you my son how precious your life is to me, how honored i am to be the one God chose to mommy you.  and how i am glad for your life even when it means minor discomforts like nausea, sleepless nights, backaches, stretch marks, a million trips to the bathroom, exhaustion, and heartburn.

so very glad.

love,
mommy



your favorite snacks these days: popsicles and cereal ;)

buddy

the best is yet to be.

11:24 AM

"sometimes I think about what it's going to be like in 50 years when we have a whole lifetime together to look back on and reminisce about.  we'll remember things like how I was always scaring you to death, and how our favorite nickname for each other was 'buddy.'"

"but we'll still call each other 'buddy' in 50 years, right?"

"of course. always."

i love being 5 months 15 days married to you with a baby on the way.  i'm excited about being 15 years married to you (hopefully) with a houseful of little people to love on.  and I can't wait for 50 years of marriage to you, when our teeth start to fall out and our skin gets saggy in all the wrong places and our bedtime is 8PM.  because by then we'll have been "buds" for a very long time.  and long time buddy's are the best kind.

and these two?  well, couples like this make me even more glad that i married my best friend.


"i truly do wonder what in the world it was we thought we had when we married.  i suppose it was a love of sorts.

but when i compare it to what we share now, i guess it was a bit immature.  or just a different season in our lives.  kind of like the tree in the winter or fall, as opposed to the tree full of blossoms and fruit in the springtime.

so yes, it was love.  it was love at it's beginning.  and i guess what we have now is love in the middle.  which makes me marvel imagining, what love will be like in the end."
// alyssa welch


thanks for being my buddy.
love,
jessica

18 weeks

hello baby. || week 18/19

10:11 AM

lil' raspberry,

i read the other day that from the very moment of conception every tiny microscopic baby has all the DNA programmed into it that is needed for its future growth.  but the even crazier thing is that long before He breathed life into you, God knew if your eyes would be blue or brown, wether you'd be tall or short,  or if your hair will be curly or straight. He knew wether or not you'll laid back and smart like your daddy or bouncy and chatter-y like your mom, and He knew if you were a boy or a girl.  and He knew all of this because He was the one who designed every last detail of your tiny self.  it boggles my mind that so much information could be programmed into such tiny cells, and that from the very moment your life began you weren't "going to be" a boy or girl, you "were" a boy or girl.

over the past 4.5 months you've gone from smaller than a poppyseed, to a 9 inch, 9 oz. fist pumping, head bobbing, never-ending-bouncy baby.  and though we know so little about you, understand this: your daddy and i love you so much already.

and last week we got to see your tiny face for the first time.  it was crazy.  it was surreal.  it was the best day.

i spent the day before our appointment frantically working, cleaning, running errands, and doing everything i could to not only make the day pass by quickly, but make sure that i was ahead on everything that i needed to get ahead on so that the next day (baby meeting day!) i could do nothing but sit and stare at your tiny perfect face for hours on end if i wanted to.

i was nervous.  i was excited.  i couldn't decide what to wear.  i painted my nails.  even though you weren't going to be able to see me, it seemed important that I look nice the first time i met you.

our appointment wednesday was first thing in the morning,  so i went to bed early to try and get some sleep.  what a ridiculous idea.  i lay there wide awake running through baby names in my head, feeling you kick and thinking how crazy it would be if we found out we were having twins.  the next morning when my alarm went off your daddy asked what time it was.  "7:10" i answered.  he looked at me a little puzzled, "ummm, we don't need to be up for a while..." and then rolled back over to sleep some more.  i didn't care.  getting up way earlier than necessary was the plan, because it meant i wouldn't be rushed and i could enjoy every minute of this day.  i agonized over what to wear, and changed clothes several times before i was satisfied.  it was a kind of chilly wet morning but that didn't stop me from wearing one of my favorite summer-y maxi dresses because summer is my favorite and summer clothes are the cutest.  we had donuts for breakfast because donuts are for special days, like saturdays, and birthdays, and meeting your baby days.

on the way to the doctor your daddy and i discussed our gender predictions.  he guessed "baby" (not a real guess.) and i guessed "boy."  i had been saying it was a girl for a lot of the pregnancy but i really didn't have a strong feeling one way or the other and so decided to guess boy just because most everyone else was guessing girl and i like to be different ;)

after the nurse/technician called my name and we started to walk back to the room, the nervous anticipation i felt pounding in my chest could only ever be matched by my pounding heart last summer when i saw your daddy standing in the middle of the botanical gardens and thought to myself as i started walking towards him "oh my gosh he's going to propose."  those 45 second walks were similar in so many ways.  knowing what was about to happen but having a hard time believing that it was happening and that it was happening to ME.

those first few seconds of seeing you were incredible lil' ras.  you are so tiny and beautiful.  your head was perfectly round and your little fists waved wildly at us.  our technician called you "feisty" because of how much you were moving around, and asked if i'd had any caffeine this morning.  "no, this is pretty much how it always is" i told her.  i smiled proudly at this, because i love your little energetic bouncy self.  it was a first of many "proud mommy moments" i'm sure i'll have over the years, but it was a little surreal to be laying there discussing how energetic my child was for the first time ;)  she said that you were bigger than what my current due date said you should be, so we get to skip ahead a week in counting!  you played with your ear and didn't suck your thumb, (thank you! keep that up!) made faces at us, and kicked and rolled all around, making it very difficult for the technician to get clear shots of all of your tiny features.

i wasn't sure what my reaction would be when she told us.  i figured i would cry happy tears, because tears come easily these days. ;)  but when she finally said the words we'd been waiting to hear, my reaction was almost exactly like when your daddy asked me to marry him.  (i didn't cry then either, even though i definitely expected to bawl my eyes out.)  i just sucked in my breath and giggled like a little girl and then didn't breathe again for what felt like forever.

(for you to be able to hear the video correctly, especially the most important part, you'll probably have to have your sound turned all the way up!)

oh sweet baby boy.  i love you so much!  i honestly didn't hope for it to be one way or the other, but i've said for as long as i can remember that i'd like to have lots of boys, so hopefully you're the first of many!  i can't wait to watch your imagination expand as we read books about pirates, and tigers, play in the mud, climb trees, and make forts on your bed (and i'll always let you be the captain!).  if you end up being the kind of boy that finds it necessary to bring home every beetle, worm, and tiny cricket you find in the yard, i will work on not screaming when you present them to me proudly, though i can't promise i'll touch them ;)  or if you would rather just cautiously watch them from afar, i'd be ok with that too ;)  i promise not to get mad every time you come in with grass stains on your knees or mud smeared across your shirt, because i understand that little boys can't always be bothered with thinking about their clothes while exploring the great outdoors.  i can't wait to teach you how to be a gentle protecter of your younger siblings (should you have them) and to watch you learn to throw the baseball with your dad.

you and me are going to be buds, i just know it ;)

i love you my feisty ear holding bouncy boy!

love,
mommy
p.s. your daddy thinks it's funny they used the word feisty to describe you, because he's always telling me i'm feisty.  sooo apparently it's a family trait ;)


baby's first picture

baby love

11:08 AM

"I could not hide this silly grin
and that's the mood that I've been in
since you."
since you // annie brooks


a full post coming later, but for now just soak in that pretty little face.  i've seen plenty of heart stopping-ly beautiful pictures in my life, but none come close to making my heart feel like it's going to explode with love like this one does.



family

hello baby. || week 17

5:48 PM

lil' raspberry,

you are huge.  just kidding, you're actually not, it just feels like you've gotten so big in the last week or two.  and it probably feels that way because you have. (this pregnancy has brought out the captain obvious in me i guess ;)  seriously though, i've been pregnant for over 4 months now and these last few weeks i've finally started to actually feel pregnant.  every time i squat, bend over, lay on my stomach, or hug your daddy it feels like theres a smallish basketball getting in the way.  but it's just you, sweet little person, and i love the growing reminders i get that you're a part of our lives!

your bounces, taps, and pokes are now a regular part of my day, you don't ever seem to sleep for long periods of time, because every hour or so you're up swimming in circles or practicing your baseball throw ;)  aparently there's a good chance that your little ears are starting to hear sound, and i love to talk to you throughout the day.  you help me decide what to make for dinner, and sometimes even help with business decisions!  (one tap means no, two means yes;)

i love you little love, can't wait to see your face in just a few days!

love,
mommy