family

hello baby || week 13

10:26 AM

lil' raspberry,

theres something precious, wonderful, and God purposed that kicks in when girl becomes a mommy.  and by "becomes a mommy" i'm not referring to when she actually gives birth to her baby, i mean way back to nine months before that, when God first began creating a tiny new life.  it is a strange and unusual thing to love someone so fiercely and protectively that i've never seen before, and yet whose heartbeat is as much a part of me as my own.  there are moments when I feel panic, knowing that ultimately there is so little I can do to protect you.  i can eat all the right food, take vitamins, read everything i can find about pregnancy and what i should be doing to make sure you're growing strong and healthy, but ultimately it's not up to me.

but your Creator is the God Who Sees, and before i can hold you, before i've seen your fuzzy outline on the screen at the doctors office, before i can bundle you from the cold, or kiss your tears away, He sees you.  He loves you.  and He is protecting you.

for He is forming your "inward parts"
and covers you in my womb.
"I will praise" Him for you are "fearfully and wonderfully made"
"marvelous" are His works,
"and that my soul knows very well."
your "frame was not hidden from" Him.
while you are being made in secret,
His eyes see your substance, "being yet unformed."
in His "book they are all written.
the days fashioned for" you,
"when as yet there were none of them."

"how precious are Your thoughts toward" us "O God!
how great is the sum of them!"
(adapted from psalm 139:13-17)

i will be tempted your whole life to over-protect you.  i will hurt when you hurt and there will be so many times all throughout your life when i will want to hold you back and shelter you from all pain or danger that may come your way.  so i'm learning even now that there is One who loves you more and understands your needs in a way i never can.  as i trust Him now to protect you while you are yet unformed my hope is that i'll continue to entrust you to Him, our Faithful Creator, every day of your life.

love,
mommy

thank you rachel & allix for snagging a few pictures of me + lil ras today!


currently your favorite snacks are: everrrrryyyything.  i think you're having a growth spurt, you're hungry all the time!  but you especially keep me guzzling water like there's no tomorrow, and I still can't get over an almost daily hankering for donuts and chipotle.  you are your mothers child ;)

12 weeks

hello baby. || week 12

8:34 AM

lil' raspberry,

you're three months big now! (i.e. over two inches long, with fingers and toes that are starting to curl and uncurl!)  i've been so so SO eager for this day to get here, and i can't believe how fast it came!  we're one third of the way to getting to hold you and kiss you and love on you in person.  today is also a big day because it's your debut day!  for the past several months only your grandparents + great-grandparents + aunts/uncles + other close family and friends have known about you, but today we're announcing to everyone else we know that we are parents to the most precious little raspberry of a baby ;)  it's been so hard the past few months not being able to tell everyone i see about you and how excited i am.  literally everyone, people at the grocery store, bank, church, wether I know them or not -- i love you so much and think you're so wonderful i feel like surely everyone would like to hear about you ;)  i just can't wait for the rest of the world to rejoice in the tiny miracle that you are.

love,
mommy

This is the little announcement that I made to share online with everyone, look at how big you are! ;)

current your favorite snacks are: banana's and almonds!

beautiful

beautiful.

7:00 AM

last wednesday night we went to church and right after we sat down i realized that i hadn't looked at myself in the mirror before leaving the house, to make sure i looked alright, and for a second i couldn't even remember if i had make-up on!  i quickly asked josh if i looked alright, he glanced at me a little confused but said yes, i did.  as i sat back and as the service began i puzzled over how i had let that happen (it felt silly and air headed of me to have left the house without making sure that i was actually ready to leave the house) and i was especially puzzled because i remembered that it wasn't the first time that had happened in the last few weeks.


and this is the conclusion i came to.  it's my husband's fault.  my dear, lovely, oh-so-wonderful-to-me husband has spoiled me beyond all reason over the last 3.5 months.  i have felt cherished, protected, and loved in a way that i've never felt before, and consequently more beautiful that I've ever felt before.  not beautiful in a stuck-up snooty kind of way, but in a wholesome content sort of way.  he tells me i'm beautiful all.the.time.  make-up/no make-up, bad hair days/good hair days, sweats/fancy dress, there really seems to be no variation.  he loves all of me, and he loves me for so much more than any physical beauty i may posses   i know this because of how he loves to laugh at my jokes that aren't funny, because he says that my sleepy/frizzy mouse look i wake up with in the morning is his favorite, and because when he first told me (almost 2 years ago now) how beautiful he thought i was he finished by saying "and i hope you know that when i tell you you're beautiful im not just talking about the outside. you're a beautiful person, jessica, every part of what makes you, you, is beautiful to me."  and he's never let me forget those words.  he tells me he thinks im beautiful because i am his, and that makes me more attractive and beautiful than anyone else could ever be to him.

so you see, it's obviously my husbands fault.  i walk around most of the time forgetting to look in the mirror or stress over wether or not i look ok, because my husband is dedicated to loving every bit of me daily, with a love that isn't based on wether or not i've gained a few pounds, or if i have make-up on.  he tells me i am beautiful, and i believe him.  and i can't help but think how lovely a reminder that is of the perfect and never-ending love my Savior has for me, that isn't at all dependent on any beauty i may think i possess.  Christ chose me and I am His, and because of that i am a precious treasure to Him.

"you shall no longer be termed forsaken, nor shall your land any more be termed desolate; but you shall be called hephzibah, [my delight is in her] and your land beulah [married]; for the Lord delights in you, ...and as the bridegroom rejoices over the bride, so shall your God rejoice over you."   -is. 62:4-5 

so very grateful for a husband who loves like Christ!



[i've been wanting to write about this for a week or so, as it's been something that i've been thinking about a lot.  and since i didn't have any other valentines day post planned for today, it seemed fitting.]

family

hello baby. || week 11

1:41 PM

lil' raspberry,

i was thinking back the other day, to how when we first found out that you existed you were nothing more than the size of a tiny poppyseed!  i remember thinking at the time how marvelous and wonderful it was that everything you needed to grow into the human that God wanted you to be was wrapped up in your tiny poppyseed of a body!  now here we are almost 2 months later and you've grown to be the size of a small plum!  

your daddy and i pray for you all the time, that your tiny body would continue to grow healthy and strong, but more importantly that you would someday come to know Jesus as your Savior and that you would grow in likeness to Him!  we love to lay in bed at night and talk about you, and sometimes your daddy will put his hand on my tummy so he can take a turn "holding" you--we can't wait to feel you move!  i am still so in awe of the fact that God chose me to be your mommy, and that's something that i hope i don't ever get over.

i decided that now that my tummy seems to have a semi-permanent little pooch it was probably time to start officially documenting your growth with pictures!

love,
mommy

i realized after posting this picture that the last "tummy" picture i posted i was wearing this dress.  what can i say, on the days when i actually take the time to get dressed in something other than yoga pants or sweats i tend to wear one of three different soft, stretchy, maxi dresses--they seem to be the most comfy "real" clothes for me to wear right now.

currently your favorite snacks are: apples and peanut butter (you love that protein!), chocolate chip bagels, and a bowl of cereal before bed ;)

first heartbeat

8:58 AM

we heard the heartbeat for the first time today! the dear little raspberry had his/her first midwife appointment today and everything looked great! i was far enough along (10 weeks and 2 days!) to look for the heartbeat, and though it took a minute to find (lil' thing was snuggled way down in my tummy taking a nap) once she found it, it came through loud and clear! our midwife said that it was beating strong and fast just like it should, and that everything sounded great.

we're SO VERY grateful to God for how trouble free this pregnancy has been so far, and for how He's growing our baby to be strong and healthy! i could never explain how completely weird and wonderful it is to try and grasp the concept that there's a tiny human being growing inside of me. but not just any human being, it's a tiny baby formed by The Creator of the Universe to look a little bit like me and a little bit like the person that i love more than anyone else in the world. the whole time that she was looking for the heartbeat i felt like i was holding my breath and praying over and over "oh please let her find it." when it finally started to come through the speaker, a little broken up and fuzzy at first, but then stronger and stronger i wanted to cry and laugh but didn't dare because i was afraid to miss even one tiny beat. it was the sweetest sound i've ever heard :)

we recorded it on my phone and i've already listened to it about 20 times this morning. i predict that today's not going to be a very productive day ;) we love our precious little raspberry so much!
p.s. scroll to the bottom of the post and you can hear the heartbeat too! :)

driving in the cold fog // anxiously waiting for our turn.
we're parents!  we have a baby!  whaaaat?!
 

family

hello baby. || week 10

1:30 PM

lil' raspberry,

we made it to the double digits!  you're getting so big, it's becoming harder and harder to keep my tummy flat :)  this is the week when we will finally get to hear your heartbeat for the first time, and I want to happy cry just thinking about it!  wednesday is your first "real" doctors appointment and i've been looking forward to it for so long.  not only because we'll get to hear your tiny little heart beating, but also because i want to make sure you're doing good in there, growing big and strong like you're supposed to.

i grew up in a houseful of people (i hope you'll have the same experience, it's so much fun!) so ever since i married your daddy it's been a little bit of an adjustment to spend all day in a house by myself.  it's quiet, and sometimes really boring.  but ever since you came a long it's like i've had a little buddy to talk to all day long--we're quickly becoming the best of friends ;)  and while i'm treasuring these unique and special days and moments with you all snuggled close inside of me, i can't wait for the day when i can hold you in my arms and have fun with you all day long!

i have already been thinking of so many things that i want to do with you.  the other day i went on a walk and ended up at a little stream that runs behind our house in the woods.  i waded in the water and then sat there for a while soaking up the sun, the whole time thinking how once you're born I will love to take you to places just like that.  we'll splash in the water, and try to skip rocks (though your daddy will have to be the one who really teaches you how to do that because i'm terrible at it), and we'll eat a picnic lunch and then maybe take naps in the sun and fresh air :)  life is and will be so much fun with you!


love,
mommy




currently your favorite snacks are: apples and peanut butter, chocolate chip bagels with butter, jack-in-the-box curly fries, and frosted mini-wheats.


cooking

pico.de.gallo || recipes

8:58 AM

one of my goals as a newly instated wife was to continually broaden our meals with at least one new meal a week.  between the pioneer woman cookbook that I own, the huge cookbook that we got for our wedding, and pinterest, i didn't think it would be very difficult to find new things to cook that often.  since morning sickness has set in however, there have been a lot of days where just getting a basic meal on the table that i know how to cook by memory has been a challenge, so new recipes have been far and few between.  i've started feeling a lot better here recently though, so cooking has been a little less of a challenge and i'm ready to start getting more creative.  maybe not once a week, but at least several times a month :)  as i make new things i'm planning on posting the recipes here and a little review on how it turned out...

last night i made a small new thing, homemade pico-de-gallo!  my mom used to make it, so though i'd eaten it i'd never actually made it before.  it's my favorite kind of recipe--the measurements aren't exact, you just add ingredients until it tastes right!  (i hate measuring if i don't absolutely have to, it takes all the adventure out of cooking!)

pico.de.gallo
(serving size 3-4)

3 roma tomatos
1 clove of garlic (pressed or finely diced)
1/2 of an onion (i used red, but yellow would work too)
1 medium (fresh!) jalepeno
cilantro
1 medium lime
garlic salt


chop the tomatos in half, and before dicing them completely remove their squishy guts leaving only the outside shell.  dice onions and garlic and add them to the diced tomatos.  de-seed the jalepeno before dicing it and adding it to the mixture.  i LOVE cilantro, so i chopped up quite a bit of it (i honestly have no measurement for this part) and added that.  i had my husband squeeze the lime because a.) i love lime juice, and b.) we only had one lime so i needed it to go far, and c.) he's much stronger than i am and therefore could squeeze a whole lot more juice out of the little guy.  then i just sprinkled garlic salt until it tasted right!  All of the measurements are general, and you can change things up to fit your preferences.

i was making grilled chicken pasta (one of The Boy's favorite meals) and made the pico to go on top, but I also love it with just chips or quesadillas!  it's yummy and fresh, not to mention so pretty and colorful :)